Beautiful Chaos.

The other week one of my best friends, Emily, and I went on an adventure to Santa Monica and Venice Beach. During our adventure we went to the store Kitson and stumbled upon a book titled, A Question a Day. The book was exactly as the titled stated. There were 365 questions, one for each day. 

This book inspired me to begin the same thing for myself. Q&A’s is one of my favorite “games.” As long as the question is appropriate and not provocative I’m all game. So here’s to asking a question every day! Some questions will be no-brainers while others will be more thought provoking. Please take part I would love to hear YOUR answer. :)

QAD: What is one thing that you wished you did yesterday that you can do today? 

My Response: I wish I would have asked each of my best friends how I could pray for them.

I had just landed into the Las Vegas International Airport for my connecting flight back home. I was exhausted and in a little bit of a frenzy because I had missed my first flight and just realized that I would have to be on standby to get on the flight going back home. After talking over my situation with the front desk attendants I took a seat in the waiting area. It was a little less graceful than just “taking a seat.” It was more of a plop.

In order to pass the 2-hour wait time I decided to continue reading my book of the month, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. In the middle of a paragraph I paused and asked God to show me if there was anyone that He wanted me to talk to. I continued on my praying the who/how prayer. For those of you who may not know what the who/how prayer is I will explain. My pastor challenged our church to pray everyday: God WHO is it you want me to bless today and HOW are you going to bless me. The purpose of this was to demonstrate that God wants us to a live of abundance and to share that abundance with others. So, after praying I looked around me and to my left, literally an arm’s length distance away, was a elderly lady in wheel chair sitting by herself. I immediately thought to myself, “No, this can’t be her God. Oh, please don’t let it….Wait, what I are you thinking Freizel?! How selfish and wrong of you to think that. You prayed for God to show you if He wanted you to talk to anyone so this is your prayer answered. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit. It isn’t about you. Remember, you said that when people encounter you that you want them to see God above all else even if they won’t remember your name? Well, here is your opportunity. Step out of your comfort zone. Walk by faith and not by sight….Okay, God here I go. This is all for your glory and not my own.”

I’m not even kidding this literally was my thought process. As I was taking off my headphones and getting ready to say hello she muttered something. I didn’t quite hear her so I asked if she could repeat it again. She had said that she was tired of waiting around. Her expression of frustration led to a beautiful time and the beginning of a new friendship.

In the 2 hours of spending together I learned that her name is Martha and that she too had missed her flight and was waiting to board the flight to Ontario to get back home. She shared with me that she was from Riverside as well and that the reason why she was in a wheelchair was because she had really bad back injuries. In the middle of our conversation I told her that I was going to buy some water and offered her if I could get anything for her. She replied saying yes, that she would like a bottle of water too. As she was getting her money out to give to me she said, “And here, take this to buy one for you too.” I was so amazed by her generosity and giving spirit. I truly was blessed by the time that we got to share in the lobby of that airport. We got to exchange bits and pieces of our life story. We both shared our beliefs in Christ and where we go to church. We were so caught up in our conversation that by the time we knew it we were finally ready to board!

I offered her my assistance in taking her to the boarding area and she gladly received it. After bringing her to the designated handicapped area I said goodbye to her because we hand separate boarding sections. However, the lady receiving our passes told me that I could board with her. So not only did I get a guaranteed seat in the plane but, I also got to sit with my new friend and I got to be seated in priority seating! I was super excited about these blessings!

We continued our conversation on the way back home. I got to share pictures with her of my family and Jamocha. We began talking about our dogs and decided that we get back we should have puppy date sometime. As our trip was coming to an end I asked if we could exchange our contact so that we can get together sometime. She was so excited that I had even asked. She stated, “Are you sure you want to hang out with an old person?” I assured her that it would be my honor to be able to spend time with her.  We exchanged our information and made our way down to the baggage claim. Because our bags were sent earlier we figured they would be at the airport already. Well, when we got to the baggage claim services they informed us that our bags may not be on this flight but on the next one. They told us to just wait though and see if it shows up. We were a little rattled but we patiently waited at the baggage conveyor. 5 minutes had not even passed by yet and our bags were on the conveyor belt right next to each other! We both turned to each other and laughed and stated that God sure does have a reason for everything!

I took our bags outside to the curb as we both awaited for our rides. As we were saying our goodbyes she said, “Okay, I need you to do me a favor. I need you to take yourself out on a nice breakfast or do something to treat yourself.” In the process of her saying this she pulled out a $20 bill and handed it to me. I was so speechless for a couple of reasons. One, because it was such a sweet gesture and Two, God provided once again with finances. I gave her a big hug and told her that I was blessed to have met her and that I looked forward to talking to her soon.

Tonight, I was reminded that God’s whisper is loud if we abide in Him and if we spend time with Him. In order for us to serve our Master we have to know Him. I saw this to be true tonight. God wants to use us but how much of our time and energy are we willing to give Him so that He can use us? I’m so thankful that God gave me the courage to talk to Martha. It truly was a beautiful divine appointment.

“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”

- 2 Timothy 1:7 -

Today has finally come! I’ve been waiting for this weekend for about 2 months! God has given me the opportunity to attend this year’s Set Apart Girl Conference. For those of you who do not know what it is it is a conference that is focused on teaching women of all ages how to continue to, “pursue God’s pattern for femininity, prepare for a God-written love story, gain victory over sin, and build a powerful prayer life.” The conference will be held by Leslie Ludy, well-known author of When God Writes Your Love Story.

I’m looking forward to being challenged, blessed, inspired, and encouraged by the Leslie and her team! As the weekend continues I will make sure to share what I have learned. :)

Goodbye California, Hello Colorado! 

One of the most beautiful feelings to experience is that of pure joy and peace in the midst of a storm. The reward of feeling this kind of joy and peace comes at much a cost though. There are no coupons or discounts on these products. The price: the willingness to SURRENDER ALL. 

In this storm that I’ve been weathering I’ve learned this to be true. Due to my prideful, selfish nature I choose to learn this the hard way rather than just letting God take the lead from the get-go. After one too many times of attempting to figure this out on my own I decided to let God do his thing. To say that it has been easy would be a flat out lie. What I can confidently say though is that anxiety no longer has a stronghold in my life as I patiently wait for Him to guide my next steps.

These last 7 months have been everything short of easy, blissful, or flawless. It has been a season of being sweetly broken. I’ve shared with some of my close friends that it feels like God’s performing a heart transplant surgery, literally cutting and pruning whichever way He pleases (but then again He does promise that in John 15). My role in this procedure: patiently wait for Him to lead me then willfully follow His lead.

I can honestly say that I haven’t dealt with such a strong storm in my life since this season. The waters have risen higher than I ever thought was possible and the winds have blown uncontrollably. There have been an abundance of moments of weakness, to the point where I didn’t know what else to do then to just run to God crying. It has been in those moments though that I have felt the nearest to Him. A passage that became so real to me is Psalm 34:17-20:

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

    he delivers them from all their troubles.
 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted 
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous person may have many troubles, 
    but the Lord delivers him from them all; 
he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken.

God has truly blown my mind with the immensity of His love for me. To see and experience His promises from His Word has been breathtaking. A verse that I have clung to during this season is Philippians 4:6-7:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

During this time God has exercised my patience and confidence in Him through 2 layoffs, leading a new team, waiting for clarity in situations, the process of healing, and letting him mold me in His will and in His timing. I can’t say that I’ve enjoyed the moments of pain but what I can say is that I am thankful for every tear that has been shed, every moment of hopelessness, every breakdown and every moment of weakness. It is through these moments that I’ve fallen deeper in love with God. I’ve learned that when I am weak then I am made strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). It’s through these moments of desperation that I’ve learned that it is possible to be joyful in the midst of trials, for joy is a choice. There is such a thing to be hurting but still be joyful.

Trials were assured to occur throughout our lives when we made the decision to be slaves for Christ. James 1:2-4:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

But just as this is true we do have the hope that God will never leave us nor forsake us. - Hebrews 13:5. 

If you’re going through a storm or a desert take heart and know that God only has your best interests in mind. He knows your heart’s desires. He knows the brokenness you feel. But just as every inch of snow melts at the end of the winter season so too will this season come and pass. Allow God to mold you the way He desires. Be willing to be transparent and have people carry your burdens with you. Let down your pride and ask for prayer. God gave us tears for a reason; it’s okay to let them fall. When you feel like you can’t stand any longer take a knee before our King and lay it all at His feet. And remember, there will be a day of no more weeping, hurting, or pain but; until then we must press forward to the goal that is set before us.

Verses that have encouraged me through this journey:

“Rejoice ALWAYS; pray without CEASING; in everything give THANKS; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

-  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”- Psalm 84:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

- Psalm 130:5

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

- Psalm 27:14

“In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ…”

- 1 Peter 1:6-7